My Favorite Bible Verses

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A soft answer turns away wrath,

 But a harsh word stirs up anger

Prov 15:1 NKJV

It was the 70s. Women were beginning to earn credibility to fill jobs traditionally held by men.

I had been hired by a juvenile group home as a token female employee. These kids came to the home from juvenile detention centers. Most of the boys in that home had committed serious crimes, even murder.

Not surprisingly, sometimes these boys reacted violently towards staff. One night, one of the boys threatened another boy with a knife, and a shouting match ensued between the two.

When I entered the common room where the argument was taking place, the men seemed reluctant to intervene. Some of them were police officers who moonlighted as night staff.

I don’t know if I was being naïve or just angry because no one was doing anything. As I approached the knife holder, I whispered. As he made no threat toward me, I came close enough and encouraged him to give me the knife, speaking in whispering tones the whole time, and he calmly surrendered the weapon.

He hadn’t needed a show of superior strength.

He only needed a calm voice to quell his fear.

When we are angry, we need to summon the peace of the Lord before we act or speak out of our anger. Psychologists call this calming of our anger as emotional regulation.

Emotional regulation is the skill to control our emotions, allowing us to quell the negative feelings in favor of a more positive reaction.

If this sounds a lot like the Vulcan character Spock, humans, the believer has the gift of the Holy Spirit to help us put aside those anxious anger moments and fill us with positive solutions in the moment of crisis.

Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath,

nor give place to the devil

Ephesians 4:26-27 NKJV

Psychologists recommend following positive strategies for emotional regulation and avoiding negative management. 

Positive Management: mindfulness, therapy, talking through emotions with friends, journaling, and identifying our triggers. Often, our anger is triggered not as much by a particular individual, but a memory or physical reaction. Understanding our triggers helps us to deal with that negative feeling “before the setting sun.”

Negative Management: self-injurious behaviors, alcohol and substance abuse, emotional eating, avoiding or withdrawing from difficult situations, and excessive use of social media to vent.

I add this recommendation: Take a deep, prayerful breath before you react.

And let the peace of God rule in your hearts …

Colossians 3:15a NKJV