Having the Prime of My Life

Grandparenting from a distance presents challenges. When the grands were younger, we lived more than a day’s drive, so long visits were rare. Once I retired, I was able to spend more quality time with my grandchildren and help working parents during summer weeks when camps or other child care were not available. One of these times was known as Grandma Camp.

I’m sure I couldn’t compete with horseback riding, canoeing, and other adventures experienced at church and scout camps, but we sure made it memorable.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR EXTENDED VISIT PRODUCTIVE

Whether you will have complete charge during your stay, periods of time when you are the authority, or whether the parents will be present throughout your stay, respect the needs of the household. Here are some tips to help your visit go smoothly.

A planned activity every day. We did something active, played games, cooked, and sometimes just chatted. Because the kids had been away from their tablets, television, and computers at camp, they did want downtime, which gave me some needed time to work on writing tasks.

Plan and clear all your activities with the parents…both of them, especially your in-laws. What may work for your son or daughter may not work with your son-in-law or your daughter-in-law. They may feel awkward to mention their druthers to you, so be specific in what you plan on doing and don’t veer from the path unless the detour is in-law approved. You might inadvertently create tension.

If you will be responsible for the children’s care during any time of your visit, be sure you know where emergency phone numbers are. Make a plan in the event of an accident, fire, or illness. If the parents will be out of town, be sure you have a notarized slip naming you as temporary guardian.

Be sure you know the “rules of the house.” Even though the grandkids love you, they’re not above trying to fool you into, “Oh, my mother lets me do this all the time.” No matter how much we try to stay on top of our grandchildren’s lives, when there are great distances, it is impossible to know all their friends and regular habits, let alone every family rule. When I visited for Grandma Camp, my daughter and son-in-law understood that Grandma’s rules would be different than normal house rules. However, knowing as much as you can ahead of time may help to avert disaster. There are general reasons why the family rules are different than the rules your children grew up with. Know the hazards of the community.

Celebrate the end of your stint. Since my stay was at the end of August, I planned an end-of-summer ice-cream social. It was educational as well as fun. The kids went to the store with me to pick out what flavors they wanted and special toppings. Each child invited a special friend (parent-approved, both ways).  A beginning and end time was set. We talked about hospitality and what was involved in making your guest feel welcomed and special. After the ice cream feast, the kids entertained their individual friends with a pre-approved activity. The event was the highlight of my visit.

How do you enjoy those longer visits with relatives? Let’s share ideas.