Snark & Sensibility

PLEASE WELCOME

AUBREY TAYOR

TO

FICTION FRIDAY

TOO MUCH TO BE SAID … THE AUTHOR'S THOUGHTS

Sometimes, there is just too much to be said. Thoughts are accumulating rapidly in your head, and you may even have a venue or opportunity to share them, but you struggle to piece them together in a way that makes sense. You just have to keep sitting on them.

I've filled stacks of journals with these kinds of thoughts over the years. Most of those journals were eventually burned. In other journals, I wrote the following words in thick Sharpie:

In the event of my passing, please respect my privacy and do not read what is written herein.

Eventually, I burned those journals too. I didn’t want people reading thoughts that weren’t fully formed.

Then there is the other side of the coin. Those times you know exactly what you want to say, but the opportunity isn’t there. It’s weighing on your heart, burning on the tip of your tongue, or your fingers itching to get it into print, yet you can’t speak. You can’t write. Not yet.

What do you do then?

I’ve journaled about those things too. In both circumstances, I’ve talked to God. Sometimes though, the longing to speak to another human being is just too great. I long for a friend who knows how to serve as a sounding board, a wise mentor who can help consolidate my scattered thoughts or someone to whom I can bubble about my “Eureka!” moment.

When it comes to writing, once we hit on an idea, we are fired up to get back into our story or start a new one.

I’ve spent three of the last six weeks not writing productively. In that time, I have been thinking deeply about several issues. There have been SO many things I wanted to write, and conversations I wanted to have, but the words just haven't come. The opportunities haven't come.

I have a hard time sitting still with these things, and it is beyond frustrating. It is a lesson in and of itself. I have struggled with anxiety all my life, along with some PTSD, and find that even after five years of healing, my fight or flight response sometimes feels as though it’s still perpetually “switched on.” There is an overwhelming sense that I must do SOMETHING.

It really is OK to be still. It is necessary, even if it means a conscious fight against that perceived need to be constantly busy and productive. After seasons of forced waiting, God never fails to provide exceedingly abundantly more than I could think or ask. Often, the result is far better than I could have produced in a fatigued state. He increases my productivity and stretches the time I do have. He reveals truth, synergizes my scattered thoughts, and, I hope, gives me something truly valuable to share with others.

I also find that He strengthens me for the next waiting season. I have learned to accept them more easily, and even long for them, anticipating rest with the knowledge that He will provide greater things on the other side.

I still get antsy every time I can’t write. I feel like I’m going to end up behind, or a great idea is going to pass me by, or someone else might get it instead! So what? Isn’t God in control of that as well? If an irresistible idea does come, I jot it down, but I also know that if I sit down intending to write and I’m already burned out, it’s just wasted time.

Do I believe we should work at our craft even when we don’t feel like it? Of course. But sometimes, the time might be better spent by leaning back in our comfy chair and closing our eyes. Letting our eyes and brains rest. Really rest. Not just relaxing with other reading material, a TV show, or even a podcast or audiobook. Complete silence. If you fall asleep, all the better!

I hope someone has found encouragement in these thoughts, borne out of my own time of (somewhat forced) rest. I'm still working my way through scattered thoughts and trying to navigate a new project in a genre I'm only half familiar with, but I feel refreshed and ready to face these things head-on. I've got better ideas than I had a week ago, and more confidence in both God and my calling.

How about you? What benefits have you seen in those seasons where you feel like there is so much to be said and yet you can’t say a word?

ABOUT AUBREY TAYLOR

As a child, Aubrey spent countless hours creating characters and writing stories. Thirty years later, she took up her pen again, uniting her fascination for history with her passion for redemption. The stories she creates are a unique brand of gritty, honest wartime sagas, written from the German perspective. She is the mother of three and married to her best friend Brian. When she’s not writing or taking care of home and family, she can often be found making music, reading, or spending time with friends.

Website: www.aubreytaylorbooks.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aubreytaylorbooks/