SANI:THE GERMAN MEDIC

SANI:THE GERMAN MEDIC
Friday, December 15, 2023 by Linda Wood Rondeau

Categories: Friday's Fiction / GUEST AUTHORS

PLEASE WELCOME

AUBREY TAYLOR

FRIDAY’S FICTION*

STORY BEHIND THE STORIES

In my youth, writing provided an outlet for my active imagination and friends for me as a somewhat reclusive and socially awkward child. After 25 years, I was inspired to pick up my pen in 2021 and try my hand at writing once more. Having always been fascinated by history, particularly the Second World War, it was no surprise that my first true literary endeavor was a historical fiction novel set during this conflict.

What surprised me was that the story God placed on my heart was to be written from the perspective of a young German-American, Frederick Smith, who returned to Germany and volunteered to fight in Hitler’s army.

I was a homeschooling mom with few interests of my own, so I was thrilled to have a reason to delve into research. I began devouring everything I could to see the war from the German side. Memoirs, scholarly journals, and anything else I could get my hands on.

Most unexpected is that I am still pursuing my studies with a fervent, if amateurish, enthusiasm three years later. My fascination is three-fold. Naturally, there is the scholarly endeavor itself. Though I could never pursue something with the discipline of a Ph.D. candidate, I have immersed myself in my studies—just ask my family!

There is also the fact that, like Frederick, I am a German-American. My family never talked much about our heritage. I don’t know if that’s due to a natural loosening of ties with the land of our ancestry, or if it was intentional. During both world wars, German-Americans were discouraged from associating with their German heritage, and in some places, it even became illegal to speak German.

Ultimately, however, this endeavor is a spiritual one. Reading so deeply into the German perspective of the Second World War has caused me to feel compassion in a way I had never dreamed of. It is new to me, and yet strangely familiar.

Here in America, where our armies were victorious, we know that our grandfathers saw horrific things that affected their lives postwar. Some people can see the way those things affected the children and grandchildren of our “Greatest Generation.” How much more deeply must those same things have affected the children and grandchildren of those who served the defeated nation?

Even before you add in the unique circumstances of the Second World War, it is difficult for us to understand. In America, we take pride in our veterans, and twice a year we celebrate them along with our fallen soldiers. We also enjoy a jubilant celebration of our nation’s independence on July 4th.

Certainly, there are solemn remembrances of the fallen in Germany, and they do have a national holiday, German Unity Day, which commemorates the union of East and West Germany on October 3rd, 1990. Yet they do not celebrate with the same fervor we do.

A multitude of things surround the memories of the war in Germany to which Americans simply cannot relate. As I immerse myself in trying to understand history from their perspective, I experience a frustration similar to what they must experience. There is shame and silence on one side, and assumptions that come from being taught the victor’s perspective on the other side.

It may seem like a strange correlation, but I am also beginning to see that my personal battles with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and silence have prepared me for my writing endeavors.

My soldiers are my absolute favorite characters in the Gott Mit Uns Series. Though I could never truly compare my experience to theirs, severe anxiety and PTSD have given me a sensitivity to the battlefield experiences that traumatized and haunted soldiers on both sides. Yet the war engulfed an entire continent, and the terrors of war were not reserved for soldiers alone. As the war “came to roost” back in Germany, civilians lived under the constant threat of terror from above. Those in the East also lived in fear as the Russian army drew closer and closer to their homeland.

The most difficult part of dealing with the war from the German perspective is the shame and guilt associated with the Holocaust. There is an ongoing debate as to how much the average German knew. In many cases, what survivors of the war—soldiers and civilians alike—experienced was guilt by association. There was an inability to find anyone willing to listen or understand.

I recently finished reading Death in the Baltic by Cathryn J. Prince. It is an account of a little-known sinking of a German ship carrying 10,000 passengers, most of whom were civilian refugees from East Prussia. The death toll in this sinking surpassed that of the Titanic by thousands, but because it occurred late in the war (January 30, 1945), it is not well known, and if it is known, it is written off as a circumstance of war. One of the themes repeated by the survivors in Prince’s book is that they were afraid to share their story, silenced by people’s lack of desire or ability to understand. That enforced silence was not limited to survivors of the sinking of the Gustloff but was experienced by many Germans after the war.

While my experiences are not the same, they have given me a frame of reference. There is a certain amount of shame attached to mental illness as well. Many people still do not want to understand. People with depression are often made to feel that it is their fault as if it is all in their heads or a result of sin in their lives. I suppose this has given me a sense of compassion for others who have lived with a major part of their lives shrouded in silence.

I suppose God was preparing me for my work as an author long before I ever imagined He’d call me to write. Yes, in many cases the fears and sadness I experienced were irrational, but to me, the feelings were very real. That has given me a willingness to understand the struggles of those who have experienced truly traumatic events. For the first time in my life, I am thankful for my sufferings, because they make the feelings I write about seem more authentic. My characters’ experiences feel real to me, and I hope to translate them onto the pages for those who read them.

I am a small-time, independently published author, but I have had many conversations and received comments from readers who say that they learned a lot, or that my books caused them to think about the past in a way they hadn’t before. To me, that is one of the best compliments I can receive. Others have said they don’t just read my books, they live them. If they can feel what Frederick felt because I felt what Frederick felt and put it into words, then I’ve done my job.

You’ve heard my story, so now I’m curious, what painful thing in your life has God used for good? Is it along the same lines as what you experienced, or has God introduced a twist you never saw coming?

*Fiction Friday is not an endorsement but rather a place where authors may showcase their work. The related views may or may not be the same as the blog’s owner.

ABOUT AUBREY TAYLOR

As a child, Aubrey Taylor spent countless hours creating characters and writing stories. In 2021, God led her back to her love for writing, coupled with her fascination with history. She is the author of the German-perspective 20th Century fiction series, Gott Mit Uns. Aubrey lives in Upstate New York with her husband and three children. When she’s not writing or taking care of her home and family, she enjoys singing and dancing with friends from a German choir and a Bavarian folk dancing group. She is also a lover of Jesus Christ, The Holy Bible, history, tea, and cats!

Purchase Aubrey’s Books on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B0973KWXV8

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