Linda Wood Rondeau

Snark & Sensibility

DON’T CALL HER MA’AM
Monday, March 25, 2019 by LINDA WOOD RONDEAU

 

 

I wish I could be like my friend, Kay. While I’m an I-know-I’m-wrong-and-I’m-ever-so-sorry wimp, Kay is an  I’m-right-and-don’t-bother-to-argue-with-me champion.  

Nobody dares disagree with Kay unless they want a dressing down like a drill sergeant letting a new recruit know who’s in charge.

That’s what the young trooper discovered when he attempted to give her a citation for going the wrong direction on a one-way street. Now when I’m pulled over, I put on my best guilty look and surrender my driver’s license before the trooper can say, “How do you do?” I even smile and say, “Thank you,” when I’m handed my summons.

Not Kay who’s a retired community health nurse who works part-time. In the late afternoon on the day Officer Nameless decided to intrude into her neatly organized day, Kay had been going non-stop from house to house since the early morning. Things like nature breaks or even careening through the golden arches are rare luxuries for someone of Kay’s profession, even slightly past middle-aged nurses. Supposing she had just enough time to gallop to the ladies’ room before her bladder burst wide open, she saw the annoying flashing lights as she bulleted into the county employee parking lot. 

The unsuspecting officer tipped his hat, “Do you know why I stopped you, Ma’am?

Now, that was his first mistake. No one calls Kay, “Ma’am” unless you’re under six years of age and even then you had better be irresistibly cute.

“What did you call me?”

He surrendered a quick apology, “I’m sorry, Miss—err—Ms.—“

Kay extricated the young man from his fumble. “No. I don’t know why you stopped me.”

“Well, uh, Ma’am—oops, sorry—you crossed that street in the wrong direction. That’s a one-way street. You can’t cross the intersection from there.”

“Well, that’s just dumb.”

“Yes, Ms. King (by then he’d seen her I.D. tag), but it’s still illegal.”

Like most people, I would have stopped arguing at this point. After all, he was the one with a gun.

Kay is not like most people.

“Now you listen to me, young man. I’ve been on the road since eight o’clock this morning. I haven’t had a bite to eat, a potty break, or as much as a cup of coffee. I’m menopausal, and I have to pee. Now, if you want to take the chance, go ahead and write me up.” 

Not wanting to harass a caffeine-deprived, half-starved, estrogen-depleted, bladder-blocked frenzied government worker any further, the trooper tipped his hat, “That’s fine, Ms. King. You may go—I mean you can—Oh, forget it. Have a nice day!”

 

AUTHOR OF HOSEA’S HEART

COMING SOON I PRAYED FOR PATIENCE GOD GAVE ME CHILDREN.

 

 

Share This Blog:


Previous Posts

THE YEARS THE LOCUSTS ATE
JUNE FOSTER
12/28/2020

CATHEDRAL STATE PARK, WEST VIRGINIA
JOHN BARRINGER
12/21/2020

PRIME OF MY LIFE
GAIL KITTLESON
12/14/2020

FULL CIRCLE
JAYME H MANSFIELD
12/7/2020

GREEN STUFF AND HUBS
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
12/2/2020

NOEL: THE CAT WHO CAME FOR CHRISTMAS
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
11/30/2020

GREEN STUFF MAGIC
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
11/23/2020

WHEN GRANDMA FORGETS
CRYSTAL BOWMAN
11/2/2020

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF BLUE ZONES?
SALLY JO PITTS
10/26/2020

FIVE WAYS SENIORS CAN BOOST THEIR IMMUNE SYSTEMS
GINNY DENT BRANT
10/19/2020

IF YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM JOIN 'EM
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
9/28/2020

WALKING IN A WRITER'S WONDERLAND
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
9/7/2020

CREAMING
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
8/31/2020

LIFE IS THE ADVENTURE
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
8/24/2020

QUITTING MY DAY JOB
DEBRA COLEMAN JETER
8/17/2020

ADAPT OR DIE
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
7/27/2020

SAY THANK YOU TO OUR FRIENDS IN BLUE
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
7/20/2020

THE SWEET COUPLE HOLDING HANDS
MELISSA HENDERSON
7/13/2020

SURPRISE! SURPRISE! SURPRISE!
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
7/6/2020

FROM FICTION TO NON-FICTION AND BACK AGAIN
GAIL KITTLESON
6/29/2020

WHO SAID GROWING OLD IS FUN?
MARTHA ROGERS
6/22/2020

AND NOT TO YIELD
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
6/15/2020

MY CULTURAL DISCONNECT
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
6/8/2020

WHAT IS RETIREMENT
JULIE COSGROVE
6/1/2020

LOOKING UP OR LOOKING AWAY
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
5/25/2020

SEEKING GOD
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
5/11/2020

HOW OLD ARE YOU
Rachel J. Good
5/4/2020

IT'S NOT OKAY
MARTIN WILES
4/27/2020

EMBRACING MY INNER BOOMER
BARBARA BRITTON
4/20/2020

THE RACE FOR LILY
SHERRI STEWART
4/13/2020

GRANNY ALICE
LYNNE BASHAM TAGAWA
4/6/2020

RESILIENCE
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
3/29/2020

LIVING WITH CHANGE
MARTIN WILES
3/9/2020

WHEN THE GROCERY STORE CLERK HAS TO CHECK YOUR AGE
MELISSA HENDERSON
2/24/2020

THE IMPORTANCE OF CREAMING
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
2/17/2020

FRIENDS AT ANY AGE
ERIN UNGER
2/3/2020

IDENTITY CHECK
MARTIN WILES
1/27/2020

IF YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM, JOIN 'EM
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
1/20/2020

MY POSSESSIONS MATURE ALONG WITH ME
MARIE WATTS
1/13/2020

EYES FRONT
TERRI MAIN
1/6/2020

THE TIMES THEY ARE A CHANGING'
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
12/30/2019

SANTA'S RELUCTANT HELPER
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
12/23/2019

THE PURSUIT OF WEALTH
DEBRA COLEMAN JETER
12/16/2019

VANQUISHING THE CHRISTMAS BLUES
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
12/9/2019

GRANDMAS THEN VS GRANDMAS NOW
GAIL SATTLER
12/2/2019

TECHNO BLUES
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
11/25/2019

ADAPT OR DIE
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
11/18/2019

CREAMING
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
11/11/2019

When our Get Up and Go Gets Up and Goes
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
11/4/2019

LIFE IS THE ADVENTURE
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
10/28/2019

MY LIFE AS A BARCODE
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
10/21/2019

THE QUEST FOR THIN
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
10/14/2019

THE AMERICAN DREAM
ANGELA BREIDENBACH
10/7/2019

FROM GOLDEN YEARS TO GOLDEN BELLS
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
9/30/2019

THE CHORDS THAT BIND MY MEMORIES
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
9/23/2019

JUST BE STILL
MARTIN WILES
9/16/2019

PRINCE CHARMING, SPIDERS, AND CHEMO
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
9/2/2019

GRAY IS GRAND
LOREE PEERY
8/26/2019

A GOOD QUESTION
GEORGE CARGILL
8/19/2019

LOVING THE BABY BOOMER GENERATION
ERIN UNGER
8/12/2019

MAKING PRETTY THINGS
KATHY MCKINSEY
8/5/2019

ARE YOU TOO OLD TO BECOME AN AUTHOR
HARRY WEGLEY
7/29/2019

ENJOY THE MEAL
MARTIN WILES
7/22/2019

IN THE GOOD OLD SUMMERTIME
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
7/15/2019

KEEPING IT FRESH
WANDA O. HOT
7/8/2019

OVERFLOWING WITH BLESSINGS
CLEO LAMPOS
7/1/2019

HAVING THE PRIME OF MY LIFE
JO MASSARO
6/24/2019

GOLDEN GIRL
PAT JEANNE DAVIS
6/17/2019

WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW
CLEO LAMPOS
6/10/2019

Food, Families, and Fond Memories
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
6/3/2019

FOR THOSE OVER FIFTY-FIVE
JUNE FOSTER
5/20/2019

NEXT GENERATION
KATHLEEN NEELY
5/13/2019

Mimi and Bop
Melissa Henderson
5/6/2019

NEVER TO OLD TO START OVER
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
4/29/2019

THE WRITER'S CALLING
SHERRI STEWART
4/15/2019

PLAYING THROUGH THE FOG
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
4/8/2019

SOMETIMES WE JUST NEED TO TURN OFF THE GPS
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
4/1/2019

DON’T CALL HER MA’AM
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
3/25/2019

When Your Past Looms Longer than Your Future
Debra Coleman Jeter
3/18/2019

OUR MCDONALDS
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
3/11/2019

BORN TOO LATE
DIANNE BARKER
3/4/2019

PERSPECTIVE
LISA LICKEL
2/25/2019

IS IT THE BEGINNING OR THE END
KATHLEEN NEELY
2/18/2019

MY TO-DO LIST
SHERRI STEWART
2/11/2019

ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
2/3/2019

MAMA, I CAN'T TAKE A BATH THERE'S A FISH IN THE TUB
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
1/21/2019

EAT RIGHT NOW LIVE LONGER LATER
Jude Urbanski
1/14/2019

AM I STRESSED?
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
1/7/2019

SHOULD VS WANT
LINDA WOOD RONDEAU
12/31/2018

I'LL BE ALONE FOR CHRISTMAS ... YOU CAN COUNT ON ME
Julie Cosgrove
12/24/2018

THE ONLY CONSTANT IS CHANGE
LINDA SHENTON MATCHETT
12/17/2018

LIVING WITHOUT REGRET
Grant Ferguson
12/10/2018

GROWING UP CAN BE FUN SO IS GETTING OLDER
ELLIE GUSTAFSON
12/3/2018

SOARING WITH BROKEN WINGS
Linda Wood Rondeau
11/19/2018

NEVER TOO LATE
DIANE TATUM
11/5/2018

The Not So Good Good Old Days
Linda Wood Rondeau
10/22/2018